1
00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:03,337
Thank you, everyone,
for staying late

2
00:00:03,371 --> 00:00:05,373
to learn our new
iPad order system.

3
00:00:05,406 --> 00:00:09,410
We had no choice, you locked
the door from the outside.

4
00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:13,047
[Chuckles]
Either way, we're learning.

5
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:15,683
Han, why would we update
our order system

6
00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:17,618
when our uniforms
are from the 1970's

7
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:20,654
and our paycheck
is from the 1800s?

8
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,690
Let's get to the tutorial.

9
00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:24,725
Max, you and i
are going to role-play.

10
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,694
All right, you can be
the little bitch,

11
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:28,262
and I'll be me.

12
00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:29,630
I don't need this lesson.

13
00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:31,699
I'm very familiar
with the touch screen.

14
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:35,603
Let's just say
i put the "goo" in Google.

15
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:37,638
I'm going to pretend
I'm a customer,

16
00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:39,640
and order a hamburger.

17
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:43,444
Hello, miss.
I'll have a hamburger.

18
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:47,648
Certainly, miss.
[Chuckles]

19
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:52,453
Would you like that
with or without salmonella?

20
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:56,190
Han, I got my first lesson
on the iPad from Steve Jobs,

21
00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:58,759
and now I'm getting it
from han jobs?

22
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:02,363
Caroline, don't act like you
know more about gadgets than me.

23
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:05,566
Formerly rich doesn't beat
currently Asian.

24
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:10,838
Now, come on, everyone
look at their iPads.

25
00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:14,142
What iPad?
I didn't see an iPad

26
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:16,110
what? No.

27
00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:17,778
Did somebody say something
about an iPad?

28
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:20,514
What the hell is an iPad?

29
00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,850
Where did they all go?

30
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:25,786
I'm guessing ebay.

31
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:28,289
I want them all back,
especially mine.

32
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:32,693
I'm in a casual flirtation
with a woman in Australia.

33
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:36,530
She's part aboriginal,
but has a great personality.

34
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,537
(peter bjorn and John)
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

35
00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:45,139
[cash register bell dings]

36
00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:50,278
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh *

37
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:55,816
here you go, Earl.

38
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:59,853
Max, what's wrong?
You seem happy.

39
00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:03,757
I'm just still on a high
from this $10,000 bank loan

40
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,726
I got last week.

41
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:10,731
And from an almost certainly
laced pot brownie I ate in 2004.

42
00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:12,866
I can't believe you and Caroline
got a bank loan

43
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,335
for your cupcake business,

44
00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:18,239
and not a single hostage
was involved.

45
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:20,674
Max, you don't have $10,000.

46
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:22,743
You don't even have netflix.

47
00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:25,813
This money is to pay a factory
to make our cupcake t-shirts,

48
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,915
and I've whittled it
down to three.

49
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:28,782
Hello.

50
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,918
Speaking of whittled.

51
00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:34,255
Someone used my printer,
and I'm guessing it's Caroline,

52
00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:35,756
'cause it's about business

53
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:39,260
and not another one of Earl's
Angela bassett collages.

54
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:43,531
What can I say, man?
I'm a bassett hound.

55
00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:44,798
Oh, thanks, han.

56
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,443
These are the factories
I've been researching.

57
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,669
We want our t-shirts
to be American made.

58
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,504
I have an American maid,

59
00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:53,173
and all she's good at
is eating my granola bars.

60
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:56,844
Look, Max, I found one
right here in Brooklyn.

61
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,979
"American Ace.
The founder, Ace hardwick,

62
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,515
is devoted to treating
his workers well,"

63
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:04,352
and not in a creepy way
like that American apparel guy.

64
00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:05,729
So you're saying
none of these workers

65
00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:07,921
have ever found
an Ace in their hole?

66
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:12,526
Look, I've worked
in a lot of factories.

67
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,595
I know what goes on.

68
00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:15,896
I worked in a coat factory,

69
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:19,467
which is why my lungs
are coated in asbestos.

70
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:21,001
I worked
in an underwear factory,

71
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:24,805
where I was underpaid
for the fruits of my looms,

72
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:27,875
and worst factory of all,
the cheesecake factory.

73
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,877
Oh.

74
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:31,712
How about we do
a walk-through tomorrow

75
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,381
to make sure it's up to snuff?

76
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:34,615
Well, if they have snuff,

77
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:37,285
why are we waiting
till tomorrow?

78
00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:40,921
Hey, everybody!
[Laughs]

79
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:44,492
Oh, hey.
Hi, great news!

80
00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:48,662
I just got carded
at buffalo wild wings!

81
00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:52,766
Really?
I got carted out of there once.

82
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,802
And more great news:

83
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:57,305
I'm starting
my own new business.

84
00:03:57,338 --> 00:04:00,841
So girls, you know
how you have that $10,000?

85
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:03,744
Well, I don't want
to clean you out,

86
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:06,880
but how do you feel
about tossing me $9,500?

87
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:11,985
You two should invest.
Sophie's business is genius.

88
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:15,055
You know how a bunch of ladies
got their down-there-hair

89
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,591
permanently lasered off?

90
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:20,861
Yeah, that's when your waxer
gives you a Michael chiklis.

91
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:21,962
Yeah.

92
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:24,665
Well, Sophie's offering
a product

93
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,867
that puts grass
back on your field.

94
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:29,002
(Sophie)
Yeah.

95
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:33,073
That's not a business.
That's nobody's business.

96
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,842
Yeah, I don't do
any of that stuff.

97
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:38,446
I just throw a scrunchie
on mine and go.

98
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:42,015
Hey, there's a need for this.
Sometimes, in the fog,

99
00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:46,354
my plane gets lost
without a landing strip.

100
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:48,689
We're out.

101
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:51,024
Oh, don't decide yet, girls.

102
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:53,561
You haven't even heard
the cute, little name.

103
00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:56,997
"Sophie kuchenksi's
vagina wigs!"

104
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:01,369
Yeah, we're really out.

105
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:04,438
Oh.
But it's a quality product,

106
00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:08,676
and it's real hair
imported from "va-China."

107
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:11,945
Yeah, never been further out.

108
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,451
And this is our main floor.

109
00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:20,721
[Gasps]
Wow, this is amazing!

110
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:23,491
I feel like we're
in the Willy wonka factory.

111
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,993
I know, right?

112
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:29,363
The American Ace motto
is "work is fun."

113
00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:32,065
Max was expecting
a different kind of factory.

114
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:34,101
More torture, less foosball.

115
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:38,672
I know, right?
Not at American Ace.

116
00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:39,949
And what is your position here,
Peggy?

117
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:42,576
Are you the "i know, right?"
Person?

118
00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:45,846
[Laughs]
I know, right?

119
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:49,883
No, I'm one of the owners.
Also, I dye t-shirts.

120
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:52,420
See, every employee gets
a percentage of the company

121
00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:56,156
after six months, so the longer
you stay, the more it grows.

122
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,025
We've been at the diner
four years,

123
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:01,762
and the only thing we've seen
grow is Oleg's pants.

124
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:04,765
I know, right?

125
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:09,937
Well, Ace is expecting you.
Go ahead, go have fun!

126
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:11,605
[Laughs]

127
00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:14,608
Hey, don't be fooled
by what's on the surface.

128
00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:16,076
You look like you have money,

129
00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:17,978
but I know your underwear's
in shreds.

130
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:20,113
Not shreds, Max, shred.

131
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:23,050
Just one, it goes
from front to back.

132
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:27,855
Um, hi, should we just come in?
The door is open.

133
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,089
Yep, always is.

134
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:32,693
Doors create boundaries.
Boundaries are a bummer.

135
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,094
You know what else is a bummer?

136
00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:38,031
Tall guys with small penises?

137
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:42,503
That you just missed the gelato
and designer coffee cart.

138
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,972
Espresso hazelnut praline?

139
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,840
We're not here for gelato.

140
00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:49,142
[Chuckles]
We're not not here for gelato.

141
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:51,979
Awesome.
It's awesome to meet you.

142
00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:53,481
I'm Ace hardwick.

143
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:57,084
Look, "Ace", we're not
about to give you $10,000

144
00:06:57,117 --> 00:07:00,053
so you can take advantage
of a sad, underage girl worker

145
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:02,590
near the loading docks
'cause her boobs are crazy big

146
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,892
and she needs a ride home.

147
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,227
That's a "for instance."

148
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,762
I'm sorry?

149
00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:11,031
See, Ace, Max has
some trust issues

150
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:13,701
when it comes to factories,
so, we're here today to...

151
00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,603
You're pretty much
eating cardboard there.

152
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,605
You want me to get you another?

153
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:20,173
You should see her
with tuna cans.

154
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:23,143
Hey, I see the prosciutto cart.

155
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:25,713
Who wants imported ham?

156
00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:27,047
Me!
[Laughs]

157
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:30,984
Well, we're not not here
for prosciutto.

158
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,185
Hey, you know what's cool?

159
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:34,988
Short guys with big penises?

160
00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:38,225
[Laughs]
You're fun.

161
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:40,828
Your business
belongs here at American Ace.

162
00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:43,096
Come on, let's go
meet the family.

163
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:45,165
That guy kind of creeps me out.

164
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:49,202
On the plus side,
i finally get to meet my family.

165
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:53,073
I had this space designed
for open energy

166
00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:54,575
and open conversation.

167
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,610
What's up, other owners?

168
00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:58,145
(All)
What's up, Ace?

169
00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:01,181
Our sales, by 400%!

170
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:04,818
[All cheering]

171
00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:07,821
Max, this is it.
This is our factory.

172
00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:10,157
(Caroline)
The employees look
happy and successful.

173
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:14,695
So did the members of 'n sync.

174
00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:18,298
But behind the curtain,
a veil of tears.

175
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,834
Hey, Caroline,
here's the prosciutto cart.

176
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:23,170
[Gasps]
Thanks, Ace!

177
00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:24,738
Enjoy.
I'm just gonna get

178
00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:27,908
a quick five-minute
chair massage.

179
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:31,111
Come on, let's slip out
while Ace has got his head

180
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:33,847
stuck in that chair's ass.

181
00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:35,849
Hey, what's up?

182
00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:38,318
Welcome to American Ace.
I'm rico.

183
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:41,755
You're, like, really,
really, really pretty.

184
00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:44,224
Aw... oh!

185
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:48,161
So anyways, I'm part owner,
and I clean the bathroom.

186
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:52,733
Hmm, quick question:
Do you have a light cabernet?

187
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,201
Quicker question:

188
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:57,638
Where's the secret room
with the toddler slaves?

189
00:08:57,671 --> 00:09:01,809
What's up? I'm Raul,
part owner and security guard.

190
00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:03,977
Hey, you two want to grab
a drink sometime?

191
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:09,149
Fridays after work, we all hang
next door at tortilla flats.

192
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:12,352
Tortilla flat.
Wasn't that your stripper name?

193
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,188
You're just jealous
'cause mine's taller

194
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:18,325
and thinks I'm really,
really, really pretty.

195
00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:21,261
Good luck with that
tall guy scenario.

196
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,244
Sorry we're late, but we were
busy with our other business,

197
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,303
the one we care about.

198
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:34,241
How can I be mad with that
Sincere, heartfelt apology?

199
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:37,978
Who wants to see
our sample t-shirts?

200
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,814
I want to see it, but I want
to see a lot of things.

201
00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:43,316
With these damn cataracts,
the best I can do

202
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:48,689
is look towards it
and get a milky idea.

203
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:50,323
Hey, girls!

204
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:52,092
I want to show you
some of my new styles

205
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:55,328
for my "everybody's merkin
for the weekend" collection.

206
00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:57,865
Sophie, what's a merkin?

207
00:09:57,898 --> 00:10:00,267
It's a vagina wig.

208
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:03,370
Oh, that's dirty.

209
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:07,875
And han, I'm gonna need
your input,

210
00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:11,378
because I'm working
on an Asian line.

211
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:13,881
Shouldn't han grow
some hair on his

212
00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:16,183
before he starts
tossing out advice?

213
00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:19,019
Han, I need to know
if I got the texture right,

214
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:22,856
so come over here.

215
00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:26,026
Oh, yeah.

216
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:29,362
Yeah, that feels nice.
Ohh.

217
00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:30,964
Ohh.

218
00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:34,868
Yeah, nice and thick
between my fingers.

219
00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:36,970
Oh, yeah.

220
00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:40,741
Slower.

221
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:45,078
Slower still.

222
00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:48,849
This is like watching
your gerbil hump a pencil.

223
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:55,188
Not really sexual,
but still grosses you out.

224
00:10:56,724 --> 00:10:58,792
Sophie,
i-i think you should stop.

225
00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:01,228
I haven't felt this sensation
since third grade

226
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:03,396
when madam yi checked me
for head lice.

227
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:08,902
Remind me to pick up a
"what's happening to my body?"

228
00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,971
Book for han tomorrow.

229
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,373
Oh, girls, I'll be over here,

230
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:16,009
working on my
african/american line.

231
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:21,214
Yeah, I can't decide whether
to call it a "vag-afro"

232
00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:26,954
or a "pube-a gooding, Jr."

233
00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:32,392
Max, look.
These shirts look amazing.

234
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:34,862
Well, I guess I was wrong
about the factory.

235
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:36,196
Like I was wrong about you

236
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:39,466
making it
through that first winter.

237
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:41,301
Look, there's a note in here.

238
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:44,271
Oh, it's probably from rico.
He's obsessed with me.

239
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:46,306
Yeah, it's not from him.

240
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:48,375
It says, "help us."

241
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:52,412
Underpaid workers are trapped
in that factory, I knew it!

242
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:55,382
Once again, I was fooled
by ice cream.

243
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:57,985
Yes, it's a note that says,
"help us,"

244
00:11:58,018 --> 00:12:00,153
but if there's one thing
i learned in business school,

245
00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:03,456
it's if you don't see it,
it doesn't exist.

246
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:07,194
Look, as much as we want to,
we can't just look away.

247
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,362
We need to talk to the workers.

248
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,207
Call the guy, the one
who thinks you're pretty.

249
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,508
I don't know who
you're talking about.

250
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,034
I only met a guy who thought

251
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,469
I was really, really,
really pretty.

252
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:19,139
We can meet them
at that Mexican place.

253
00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:21,308
Ooh, a Mexican place!

254
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:24,411
I forgot about
the latina market!

255
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:28,348
Girls, when you're there,
find out if they'd be interested

256
00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:31,184
in some hair
south of the border.

257
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,423
Didn't know if you ladies wanted
beers or margaritas,

258
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:38,225
so we got you beer-garitas.

259
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:42,029
It's five bucks,
but you're worth it.

260
00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:45,032
I love a girl
with a healthy appetite.

261
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:46,375
Well, you're gonna be
getting down on one knee

262
00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:49,402
before the end
of the appetizers.

263
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:52,505
So let's just dive right in.
How's factory life treating you?

264
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:54,383
Give us the skinny...
Which is what I hope you said

265
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,143
when you ordered
those beer-garitas,

266
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:58,946
'cause I cannot be poor
with a muffin top.

267
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:00,814
You know, I don't want
to talk about work.

268
00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:03,450
Oh, are you saying you're not
allowed to talk about work?

269
00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:07,287
Your words, we all heard you,
rico or Raul.

270
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,156
Hey, tell me, what do you girls
like to do?

271
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:12,092
Mm, I like to watch waiters
make guacamole at my table.

272
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,293
When's that gonna happen?

273
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:14,427
[Sighs]

274
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:17,397
So about work...
Yeah, okay.

275
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:20,533
Hey, let's go see what's
going on in beer-garitaville.

276
00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:25,248
What are we gonna do?
I can't get any information

277
00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:26,974
out of rico.
He's so preoccupied

278
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:29,409
with how pretty, pretty,
pretty I am.

279
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,544
Oh, hi, Peggy.
How are you?

280
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:33,914
Would you like to join us
and talk about work?

281
00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:36,316
Why don't we talk
about you two skanks

282
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:39,419
gettin' the hell outta here?

283
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:43,423
And I thought we were
bad waitresses.

284
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:46,994
This is Carmen.
She works at the factory too.

285
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:50,030
We're bffs, and she's
one of the owners, like me.

286
00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:55,168
Yeah, and she's a 100% owner
of rico, so hands off.

287
00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:57,504
We seen you two
sittin' over here

288
00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:59,506
like you're god's friggin' gift.

289
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:03,543
I know, right?
And not for nothing,

290
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:08,581
but rico's pit bull
doesn't like other girls.

291
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,619
I'm guessing
that's his pit bull.

292
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:20,527
And you, hands off Raul.

293
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:24,397
We have a love
that is deep and real,

294
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:28,335
and when he finds out about it,
it's gonna be magic.

295
00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:38,645
Yup...
Exactly what I expected.

296
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:40,613
Upstairs
is Willy wonka's factory,

297
00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:43,583
and down here, they're
waterboarding oompa loompas.

298
00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:48,621
Yo, what's up?
We just comin' here to work

299
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:51,591
in the dye room
right there as per usual.

300
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:55,195
Yeah, no biggie.
What yous twos lookin' at?

301
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,667
That was a really good accent.

302
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:02,502
Thanks.
I played Rizzo in grease.

303
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,171
Should have been Sandy,
but I let

304
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:06,139
the girl with the limp have it.

305
00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:09,509
Come on, we have to put these on
and go into the dye room,

306
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:12,545
'cause I'm guessing
that's where it all goes down.

307
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,414
The dye room, I'm not surprised.

308
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:16,683
I always knew we'd dye together.

309
00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:21,188
Okay, we'll just pretend
to be working here,

310
00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:23,590
like we do at the diner.

311
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,658
Well, well, look who it is,

312
00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:30,563
stuck-up and stuck-up two:
The legend returns.

313
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:35,268
Max, we gotta go.
My life can't end wearing grey.

314
00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:37,070
What up, ladies?

315
00:15:37,104 --> 00:15:39,272
Last night, you're hanging
with the homies,

316
00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:42,742
and today, boom, you just happen
to be working here.

317
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,545
That's friggin' convenient.

318
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,014
I know, right?

319
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:49,549
Very friggin' convenient.

320
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,651
I know, right?

321
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:54,421
We just have to show them
who's boss.

322
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,464
You know, like we do
with the mouse

323
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,290
who lives in our toaster.

324
00:15:57,324 --> 00:16:01,694
So, what, we're gonna scream
and then spray windex at them?

325
00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:04,597
Yo!
See this scar?

326
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:07,567
Knife fight
with five catholic schoolgirls

327
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,170
over a slushie.
So unless you want

328
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:13,040
some of what I gave Virginia,
Stephanie, laquetia, latoya,

329
00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:17,010
and the one in the wheelchair,
I'd stay clear.

330
00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:19,446
This is just a misunderstanding.

331
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,314
Rico's not interested in me.

332
00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:23,616
Well, he seemed
pretty into you last night.

333
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,653
Huh, yeah, but that's
before she talked.

334
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:31,624
Come on, we are not interested
in your men at all.

335
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,194
Not at all.
I mean, come on.

336
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,363
What's that mean?

337
00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:38,698
You're saying
something's wrong with them?

338
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:42,069
No, she's not saying that
it's just...

339
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:45,705
It's just what?

340
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:48,641
We're lovers.

341
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:54,681
You two are lovers?
'Cause you don't seem...

342
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:57,650
We don't seem what?
Gay?

343
00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,687
No.
Hot enough.

344
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,623
[Scoffs]
Well...

345
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:05,492
Not hot at all.

346
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:08,428
I know, right?

347
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:10,797
Look busy, keep your eyes open.

348
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:12,799
I think we're in the belly
of the beast.

349
00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:15,668
You talkin' about me?

350
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:18,037
(Both)
No.

351
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:25,678
(Caroline)
Max, what do you think's
behind that locked door?

352
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:29,082
I knew it!
Toddler slaves.

353
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:33,286
Those kids are in horrible
danger of becoming... Me.

354
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,388
Come on, let's go over there.

355
00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:41,261
What the...
You hit me!

356
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:43,430
Sorry, so sorry.
Accident!

357
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:45,798
You throw like a girl.

358
00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:48,735
See, I knew it,
you two aren't gay.

359
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:51,204
Yous are after our guys!

360
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,772
No, I'm not!
Rico just thought I was

361
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:54,005
really, really, really pretty.

362
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:59,679
Oh, hell no!
Leave my lover alone!

363
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:02,615
Oh!

364
00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:04,251
It's on!

365
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:05,785
(Caroline)
[Whimpers] No! No!

366
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:07,820
It's... no, no, no, no, no!
It's not on.

367
00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:09,689
This is silly.
We're not after anyone.

368
00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:12,259
We're here to help
some of those work...

369
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:15,328
Oh, yeah.
Now, it's on!

370
00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:18,831
Oh!
I warn you!

371
00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:20,833
[Both whimpering]

372
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:23,636
Oh, hell no!

373
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,741
Back off, bitch!

374
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:31,811
Who you calling bitch, bitch?

375
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:39,752
Honey?
You're getting carried away.

376
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,888
[Whimpers]

377
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:43,590
Now you're really getting
carried away.

378
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,392
Oh, no!
Don't put me in the dryer!

379
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:47,594
I used to be rich,
I'm dry clean only!

380
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,128
[Strains]

381
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,268
(Both)
Oh! Oh!

382
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:02,875
That was a big friggin' mistake!

383
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:08,815
Respect.

384
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:10,383
You two are a lot tougher

385
00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:12,285
than those girls
from Saint Bridget's.

386
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:16,956
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What's happening?

387
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:20,827
We're busting you.
We know what's happening here.

388
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:23,830
What, profit sharing
and healthcare?

389
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:28,435
We found a note in our box
with "help us" scrawled on it.

390
00:19:28,468 --> 00:19:29,736
How do you explain that?

391
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:31,771
Did you read the back?

392
00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:33,706
Heh heh heh.

393
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:36,243
"Help us..

394
00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,745
"Help you...

395
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:42,382
To your full potential
at American Ace."

396
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:45,252
We put one in every box we ship.

397
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:46,619
I have got to start reading

398
00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:48,655
more than the first sentence
of stuff.

399
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:55,228
I'm sorry, this is all my fault.

400
00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:56,729
I guess I just wanted to believe

401
00:19:56,763 --> 00:20:00,533
some kids were having
a worse childhood than I was.

402
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:03,736
Max, don't feel bad.
You thought someone needed help,

403
00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:05,738
and you cared, and that
makes you a good person,

404
00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:07,006
and I'm proud of you.

405
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:10,710
I said I was sorry.
You don't have to be mean.

406
00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:14,914
Hey, everybody!

407
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:16,983
I just got my first shipment
of wigs.

408
00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:22,855
Sophie, why are you
walking like that?

409
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:25,825
Well, I'm not just
the president,

410
00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:28,261
I'm also a client.

411
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,935
Sophie, I think you dropped
something,

412
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:39,939
unless we have those
giant persian roaches again.

413
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:43,976
Even a milky version of that
was too much.

414
00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:54,654
You know, Max, maybe someday,
someone like you will come

415
00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:57,657
into this salmonella factory
and rescue us.

416
00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:59,359
What are you writing
on those checks?

417
00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:01,428
"Help us."

418
00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:04,997
We work here.
The "help us" is implied.